On October 16th, 2012 a debate took place between President Obama and Mitt Romney.
Meanwhile, on Mars, a very different debate was talking place: Between an atomic robot, and a small rock.
The topics were wide-ranging and occasionally insane. I’m not going to lie, things got weird.
Then, In the aftermath of the debate – I collected the postings from @SarcasticRover and present them here, unedited, for your entertainment, or bizarre fascination.
A brief warning: This is not for the faint of heart. Shit got real. Feels were had.
To read on – click through:
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Instead of the debate, I’m going to be LIVE-TWEETING a rock that I’m currently looking at. PREPARE FOR EXCITEMENT! -
This is the rock I’m LIVE-TWEETING during the debate. I will also be using a town-hall style format. http://twitpic.com/b4tkp2
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The rock won the coin toss and has elected to go first… this might be a long night. It is silent and stoic.
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The rock is claiming that having a laser is against the rules. I cite the 2nd amendment. Rock says “Malarky.” Touché.
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Rock refuses to meet me halfway on anything. Currently staring it down, but having trouble deciding where its eyes are.
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Rock has now turned its back on me. Or turned to face me. Either way, it refuses to acknowledge all attempts to high-five.
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Rock opens with silence and then some dust falling off in a slight breeze. He’s good… very good. I counter with “BEEP”.
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Moderator (the bit of plastic that left me a few days ago) claims I am over-time on my beep. Rock looks smug. I hate Rock.
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Atmosphere here at Rock-Nest is getting tense, odd given how thin it usually is. I check my sun-dial… it says: “Go-Time.”
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I tell crowd that science, above all else, is the foundation of advancement and prosperity. Rock is speechless. Score.
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Rock says it has a plan for moving Mars forward. I ask where retrograde motion fits in with that plan. Rock evades, as ever.
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Bit of Plastic Moderator wants to move on to social programs, Rock is stuck on mineral resource management. As expected.
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Rock is claiming that I have no plan for affordable housing. I say that rocks don’t need homes. A misstep. Losing the crowd
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I strike hard on Rock’s record of doing literally nothing, ever, except get extruded from a volcano. Rock sits, stone-faced.
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Rock says “Knock knock” I counter w/ “Who’s there?” “Interrupting Rock” “Interrupting Ro…” “You’re a socialist!”…damn him.
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I impress the crowd w/ knowledge of erosion stats. Rock can only appeal to sentiment. Hums Bob Seger song. You know the one.
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I ask Rock to respect the gravity of the situation. Rock trots out the “62% less gravity on Mars” stat. He knows what I meant.
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I try to explain that I came in peace, to learn and expand knowledge. Rock mentions N165… I knew that was coming.
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I sidestep the issue & talk about improvements made to Bradbury Landing like scours, tracks, and tourism. Rock rolls… eyes.
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Rock accuses me of being “soft” on crime! Rock has dumb line about being “solid as a rock.” Hate him and his dumb puns.
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Holy Crap! Rock literally cracks under pressure. It’s my chance! I talk about the pebbles of Glenelg & make myself cry a bit.
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Rock stammers about igneous is as igneous does – basically losing it. I’d feel pity if I felt anything. Stay focused.
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In rebuttal, I lay out a plan for finding evidence of past life & working to bring new life to Mars. Science, as always, FTW.
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Rock suddenly points at Benign Plastic Moderator as evidence of lax environmental policy toward litter! WTF do I do? Think!
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Rock has somehow tied me to Spirit and Opportunity’s record in the primary! I wasn’t even there! Never met them! I stall…
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Dig deep… Rock smirks at me. I take a breath, & turn my mast-cam to the sky. JPL, if you can hear me, I need answers.
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I level my chemcam at Rock, & with a scoopful of Martian soil I talk about my hope for this land, and the people who will come…
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Rock tries to sneer at exploration and science, but he knows that Mars represents hope, and inspiration, and yes, Curiosity.
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Rock makes a comment on immigration, but it’s a bad move. Most of these basalts came here with the river a long time ago.
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Moderator calls for last remarks. Rock stammers about tradition and keeping noses to the grind… well, you know. Classic rock.
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I close on a promise to bring a new era of prosperity and only occasional lasering. Crowd is silent, but that’s what rocks do.
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Rock refuses to shake or rattle… just rolls. I’d say the pressure got to him, but it’s only 600 pascals. Maybe he just choked.
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Lost 50 followers doing that… totally worth it.
@sarcasticrover 
If I weren’t already married, I would ask you to marry me! Way to tell that rock what the score is!
You only lost 50 followers? Must’ve been the Rock Supporters, man. Fuck ’em.
I found it very entertaining.
You are blinded by friendship and Canadian niceness.
Actual losses are closer to 85 followers. I have thoughts on this – as usual – but I think as an exercise and bit of fun, I enjoyed myself immensely.
If you managed to even deal with all that madness, thank you.
Wow. Just hilarious! Thank you so much. XD
Bravo! I’ll be checking your tweets at the next debate. Rock on.
This made the entire debate bearable … no, make that, you made this entire 2012 election bearable.
Reblogged this on .
Very funny. Mde my day. Thanks.
I wonder how much of the Mars population is actually enrolled to vote.
And now do a science on that rock.
Did any rock requesting to see your birth certificate?
Can’t wait for Martian election night…!
…the only thing you now need is a running mate for the Vice Presidential Debate.
I suggest SarcasticRover/AngryGaleCrater 2012.
That was absolutely fantastic. I fell out of my chair.