Rock Debate 2012

On October 16th, 2012 a debate took place between President Obama and Mitt Romney.

Meanwhile, on Mars, a very different debate was talking place: Between an atomic robot, and a small rock.

The topics were wide-ranging and occasionally insane. I’m not going to lie, things got weird.

Then, In the aftermath of the debate – I collected the postings from @SarcasticRover and present them here, unedited, for your entertainment, or bizarre fascination.

A brief warning: This is not for the faint of heart. Shit got real. Feels were had.

To read on – click through:

  1. SarcasticRover
    Instead of the debate, I’m going to be LIVE-TWEETING a rock that I’m currently looking at. PREPARE FOR EXCITEMENT!
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 15:37:54
  2. SarcasticRover
    This is the rock I’m LIVE-TWEETING during the debate. I will also be using a town-hall style format.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 17:29:59
  3. SarcasticRover
    The rock won the coin toss and has elected to go first… this might be a long night. It is silent and stoic.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 17:32:41
  4. SarcasticRover
    The rock is claiming that having a laser is against the rules. I cite the 2nd amendment. Rock says “Malarky.” Touché.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 17:37:01
  5. SarcasticRover
    Rock refuses to meet me halfway on anything. Currently staring it down, but having trouble deciding where its eyes are.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 17:52:31
  6. SarcasticRover
    Rock has now turned its back on me. Or turned to face me. Either way, it refuses to acknowledge all attempts to high-five.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:02:14
  7. SarcasticRover
    Rock opens with silence and then some dust falling off in a slight breeze. He’s good… very good. I counter with “BEEP”.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:08:52
  8. SarcasticRover
    Moderator (the bit of plastic that left me a few days ago) claims I am over-time on my beep. Rock looks smug. I hate Rock.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:11:44
  9. SarcasticRover
    Atmosphere here at Rock-Nest is getting tense, odd given how thin it usually is. I check my sun-dial… it says: “Go-Time.”
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:14:46
  10. SarcasticRover
    I tell crowd that science, above all else, is the foundation of advancement and prosperity. Rock is speechless. Score.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:17:40
  11. SarcasticRover
    Rock says it has a plan for moving Mars forward. I ask where retrograde motion fits in with that plan. Rock evades, as ever.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:19:44
  12. SarcasticRover
    Bit of Plastic Moderator wants to move on to social programs, Rock is stuck on mineral resource management. As expected.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:21:59
  13. SarcasticRover
    Rock is claiming that I have no plan for affordable housing. I say that rocks don’t need homes. A misstep. Losing the crowd
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:23:47
  14. SarcasticRover
    I strike hard on Rock’s record of doing literally nothing, ever, except get extruded from a volcano. Rock sits, stone-faced.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:25:27
  15. SarcasticRover

    Rock says “Knock knock” I counter w/ “Who’s there?” “Interrupting Rock” “Interrupting Ro…” “You’re a socialist!”…damn him.

    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:28:18
  16. SarcasticRover
    I impress the crowd w/ knowledge of erosion stats. Rock can only appeal to sentiment. Hums Bob Seger song. You know the one.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:31:46
  17. SarcasticRover
    I ask Rock to respect the gravity of the situation. Rock trots out the “62% less gravity on Mars” stat. He knows what I meant.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:35:28
  18. SarcasticRover
    I try to explain that I came in peace, to learn and expand knowledge. Rock mentions N165… I knew that was coming.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:37:45
  19. SarcasticRover
    I sidestep the issue & talk about improvements made to Bradbury Landing like scours, tracks, and tourism. Rock rolls… eyes.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:41:49
  20. SarcasticRover
    Rock accuses me of being “soft” on crime! Rock has dumb line about being “solid as a rock.” Hate him and his dumb puns.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:44:55
  21. SarcasticRover
    Holy Crap! Rock literally cracks under pressure. It’s my chance! I talk about the pebbles of Glenelg & make myself cry a bit.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:48:36
  22. SarcasticRover
    Rock stammers about igneous is as igneous does – basically losing it. I’d feel pity if I felt anything. Stay focused.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:51:03
  23. SarcasticRover
    In rebuttal, I lay out a plan for finding evidence of past life & working to bring new life to Mars. Science, as always, FTW.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:53:48
  24. SarcasticRover
    Rock suddenly points at Benign Plastic Moderator as evidence of lax environmental policy toward litter! WTF do I do? Think!
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:55:46
  25. SarcasticRover
    Rock has somehow tied me to Spirit and Opportunity’s record in the primary! I wasn’t even there! Never met them! I stall…
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 18:58:06
  26. SarcasticRover
    Dig deep… Rock smirks at me. I take a breath, & turn my mast-cam to the sky. JPL, if you can hear me, I need answers.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:01:07
  27. SarcasticRover
    I level my chemcam at Rock, & with a scoopful of Martian soil I talk about my hope for this land, and the people who will come…
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:04:23
  28. SarcasticRover
    Rock tries to sneer at exploration and science, but he knows that Mars represents hope, and inspiration, and yes, Curiosity.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:08:05
  29. SarcasticRover
    Rock makes a comment on immigration, but it’s a bad move. Most of these basalts came here with the river a long time ago.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:14:47
  30. SarcasticRover
    Moderator calls for last remarks. Rock stammers about tradition and keeping noses to the grind… well, you know. Classic rock.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:17:54
  31. SarcasticRover
    I close on a promise to bring a new era of prosperity and only occasional lasering. Crowd is silent, but that’s what rocks do.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:20:13
  32. SarcasticRover
    Rock refuses to shake or rattle… just rolls. I’d say the pressure got to him, but it’s only 600 pascals. Maybe he just choked.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:23:00
  33. SarcasticRover
    Lost 50 followers doing that… totally worth it.
    Tue, Oct 16 2012 19:25:34

16 thoughts on “Rock Debate 2012

  1. Barb (polyhumorous) says:

    If I weren’t already married, I would ask you to marry me! Way to tell that rock what the score is!

  2. You only lost 50 followers? Must’ve been the Rock Supporters, man. Fuck ’em.

  3. PrincessThumb22 says:

    I found it very entertaining.

  4. Actual losses are closer to 85 followers. I have thoughts on this – as usual – but I think as an exercise and bit of fun, I enjoyed myself immensely.

    If you managed to even deal with all that madness, thank you.

  5. icarolann says:

    Bravo! I’ll be checking your tweets at the next debate. Rock on.

  6. Gigi says:

    This made the entire debate bearable … no, make that, you made this entire 2012 election bearable.

  7. Stelith61 says:

    Reblogged this on .

  8. Liane says:

    Very funny. Mde my day. Thanks.

  9. joulespersecond says:

    I wonder how much of the Mars population is actually enrolled to vote.

  10. Andre says:

    And now do a science on that rock.

  11. Did any rock requesting to see your birth certificate?

  12. Tibs says:

    Can’t wait for Martian election night…!

  13. RandomNerd says:

    …the only thing you now need is a running mate for the Vice Presidential Debate.
    I suggest SarcasticRover/AngryGaleCrater 2012.

  14. Miles Taylor says:

    That was absolutely fantastic. I fell out of my chair.

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